Den allersidste dans = The very last dance.

Before moving to London I didnt pay much attention to my nostalgia for the Danish culture, my belonging there/to it/ feeling of being a bit outsiderish to the culture I grew up in. The culture of my schooling, the language I still 6 years away from Denmark shift over too sooo easily that even I am amazed by it. all words, all cultural codes, every conversation starts so easily, there are no rules, no cunningness, no politeness (at least that I am very aware of!) its an easier culture in my opinion. You can fart and it wouldnt be the end of the world really.

Maybe it was because I didnt marry early as my Danish and Turkish friends.. I kept feeling outside of any culture. “Being only one culture (monocultural) must be a calm lifestyle, no wuthering heights, no ups and downs, no doubts, no crying, no identity crisis or maybe its good at least there are more layers that you can indulge yourself in to find meaning and spend time within. I donøt belong anywhere! Im not a village Turkish, Im not Danish, Im not a Turkish person who is fully integrated into Danish culture who feels at ease and feels accepted in Denmark (except by the people I know and that know me), Im not a ‘modern/”city”/”Istanbul” Turkish. Im just me. I tried to belong and become at least the last category for a while as I felt forced into that here, but that was never me. I was so many other things. But no one wanted that. You had to belong!
I want to be all parts of me again instead of just one category.

Nostalgi handler om at vaere et andet sted end det man gerne lige ville have vaere pa et givet tidspunkt. In my case there are more nostalgies, more layers, more categories that I partially belong to..
The problem with nostalgia is that it doesnt really exist besides in my mind. It’s the grouping of nice things from a given cultural segment, its my grouping, its my longing , its my ‘sehnsucht’ a la poet Nazim Hikmet. Maybe the beauty of nostalgia is that it is only something that belongs to me. The sadness of never being able to share it more than in fragments is mine, its mine alone, mi poder para siempre!

En rigtig expat-sang og en rigtig udenlandsdansker dyrker sfoli Kim Larsen:)
This is “NOT my last dance” with nostalgia.

This song breaks my heart and heals it simultaneously as it brings about my nostalgia:

“Den allersidste dans..” (the very last dance before we go home, before the sun breaks and a new day begins)
Endnu er du mig naer (still you are close to me)
The night is still young
A ‘meeting’ with your mouth before we go home is all that I want before we go home.
An evening is over. You whisper me goodbye. I kiss you ‘so long’.