The female is becoming male to survive the streets. The male gaze stops women from being themselves. Women are formed by the rules on the male dominated streets of Turkey i.e. where unwritten  (but not untaught rules are the norm to follow.) These rules are the ayip rules.

The overall gaze of men and even elderly women in the streets regulate their femininity, it has consequences for the female’s facial lines as it’s reflected onto our faces forever.

From a very young age girls from feudal backgrounds are taught how to behave accordingly to their gender. Being shamed that their beauty and looks, awake something in the male gaze. Something sexualising. Giving women and girls the responsibility of trying to keep their virginity and honour blemish free despite constant stares and catcalling.

I wrinkle my face for you uncle and brother. I stop smiling on command,. I cry if I need to. I stop smiling to prevent you from raping me. I protect you from evil inside yourself brother. My face becomes a map representing your ways/your style/your world and your gaze captures it all so well. The map on my face represents the micro-cosmos of the Turkish streets. I have internalized your ways!! I wear our sociology inside every little facial line of mine. You drew them, I obeyed.  This is my map. No this is your map. I blame you for making me ugly. You. Man. System. Older women.

This is my face. You walk on top of my body every day.  Imagined road signs whisper to you how to enter the real in me, you know your way around me.you have entered me many times before! Navigation is not a problem.   You make me angry and I look ugly and unapproachable. You change me. I am no longer what I should be. Nothing natural left in me.

Im not my gender anymore!