Vagner sondag formiddag til en masse dejlig musik fra min kaereste. Pa trods af det skyndte jeg mig pa YouTube idet ojeblik han gik ud ad doren og fandt en masse danske sange frem. Nar ejg savner min familie og det at have en hverdag med et ordentligt meningsfuldt job, sa taenker jeg kun pa savnet af DK. Nostalgien for noget der var engang, men som stadigvaek er der bare uden mig!
Trying to see myself and my identity from many different angles, I am in a constant search to hear what people think about me. Its mainly to do with my cultural identity of course. Is my Turkish as good as “homebased” Turks :), can they just out of looking at me, my clothes and my behaviour still see that I am a (proud) almanci?!
Interviewing myself (pretending a Dane is asking me): Does the Danes treat me the way I want/ expect and need them to when I especially meet them in London?=NO. Are they always shocked and surprized to hear black hair speak Danish=YES! (as this is all I come down to!!) its my iconography. Why is this still hurting me?=because a big part of my feels Danish as well and Im not just Turkish I know that!!
Well lets flip the coin! Am I surprized about this negative and very prejudiced behaviour towards me and my Danishness?!=Hell yeahhh!!and im even startled every single fucking time!! Does the Danes not know that I long for Denmark, speaking Danish, living in DK?! Dont they know that I am sad to be refused into the Danish society although I feel very Danish?! Dont they sense my teenagy rebellion towards them?as if DK were my parents that I was always trying to run away from? But some days like yesterday and today I sang and listened to Danish songs, cried and wanted to say sorry for all the times I got angry with good old Denmark! For years I was treating DK as a younger brother or sister telling him/her off for not being emotional or nostalgic about things. Then with one written comment on YouTube I realized that DK also is emotional and has ‘arabesqy’ songs that make people want to cry, remember and feel. I am also sorry for this not because i am prejudiced, coz i am from the Danish culture myself, but it is a fact that Danes dont show emotions the same way as Turkish people do. I have learned the emotional language of the Turkish culture they have learned theirs from the Danish culture. Their’s just seem more hidden and not as open. I often had problems with navigating through this. I always felt like I had to cut back on my emotions when being in a Danish context. I never liked it.
This is a comment from Youtube for this song: “Kim is the heart and soul of Danmark – he has survived and grown since the 70’s- look at the faces on the young audience – nobody, repeat nobody comes near to Kim’s talent for relating on an emotional level to Danes through music.
The audience is completely spellbound – me too -I lived in Denmark in the 80’s – can’t think of anybody in any other country who gets to the level Kim gets to. He’s unique and AWESOME!!! Love him and his music and his messages.”