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artterrorist

art in a time of migration

Shooting back with ‘Ayip’

Shooting back with 'Ayip'

This photo is a part of a series from 2012, taken by photographer Sebnem Ugural.

The word “Ayip” means shame in Turkish, I take an interest in the gendered shame of Turkish culture.

Posted in art, Family, Photos

Hepimiz utaniyoruz (WE ARE ALL FEELING ASHAMED)

Hepimiz utaniyoruz (WE ARE ALL FEELING ASHAMED)

Posted in almanci, art, Denmark and migration, Family, Photos

Den allersidste dans = The very last dance

Den allersidste dans = The very last dance.

Before moving to London I didnt pay much attention to my nostalgia for the Danish culture, my belonging there/to it/ feeling of being a bit outsiderish to the culture I grew up in. The culture of my schooling, the language I still 6 years away from Denmark shift over too sooo easily that even I am amazed by it. all words, all cultural codes, every conversation starts so easily, there are no rules, no cunningness, no politeness (at least that I am very aware of!) its an easier culture in my opinion. You can fart and it wouldnt be the end of the world really.

Maybe it was because I didnt marry early as my Danish and Turkish friends.. I kept feeling outside of any culture. “Being only one culture (monocultural) must be a calm lifestyle, no wuthering heights, no ups and downs, no doubts, no crying, no identity crisis or maybe its good at least there are more layers that you can indulge yourself in to find meaning and spend time within. I donøt belong anywhere! Im not a village Turkish, Im not Danish, Im not a Turkish person who is fully integrated into Danish culture who feels at ease and feels accepted in Denmark (except by the people I know and that know me), Im not a ‘modern/”city”/”Istanbul” Turkish. Im just me. I tried to belong and become at least the last category for a while as I felt forced into that here, but that was never me. I was so many other things. But no one wanted that. You had to belong!
I want to be all parts of me again instead of just one category.

Nostalgi handler om at vaere et andet sted end det man gerne lige ville have vaere pa et givet tidspunkt. In my case there are more nostalgies, more layers, more categories that I partially belong to..
The problem with nostalgia is that it doesnt really exist besides in my mind. It’s the grouping of nice things from a given cultural segment, its my grouping, its my longing , its my ‘sehnsucht’ a la poet Nazim Hikmet. Maybe the beauty of nostalgia is that it is only something that belongs to me. The sadness of never being able to share it more than in fragments is mine, its mine alone, mi poder para siempre!

En rigtig expat-sang og en rigtig udenlandsdansker dyrker sfoli Kim Larsen:)
This is “NOT my last dance” with nostalgia.

This song breaks my heart and heals it simultaneously as it brings about my nostalgia:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fkixiwb4uKM

“Den allersidste dans..” (the very last dance before we go home, before the sun breaks and a new day begins)
Endnu er du mig naer (still you are close to me)
The night is still young
…….
A ‘meeting’ with your mouth before we go home is all that I want before we go home.
An evening is over. You whisper me goodbye. I kiss you ‘so long’.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fkixiwb4uKM
Posted in almanci, art, Career, Denmark and migration

The Wall Project. The Russet. Hackney Downs, London.

The Wall Project. The Russet. Hackney Downs, London.

the-wall-web-invite1 THE BLACK SHEEP SPEAKS (BACK) IN BROWN (Explaining my work for the Wall-Project at The Russett Cafe in Hackney Downs:) Brown is the new black! This work is on my very early emotions on so-to-say my “second migration” to London. The words have been written with brown vinyl, as an indicator of my identity of being of migrant background in Denmark. My spoken words are brownish. I talk back. I have a voice! The work is written with a handwriting font, showing the intimacy level of my diaristic writings as in any letter. This letter is supposed to addres Danes in Denmark mostly but also the ones I meet here. This is the diary I want my parents ( aka the Danish state) to find and read, therefore putting it up for display in a far away parking lot in a different country, in a different city makes a good hide-out. Still Hackney is the new hang-out for Danes and maybe some of them will see this and from the wording understand that I am Danish too and then they might open their eyes and send it to my parents (aka the Danish State) and it can all make a big difference to life in Denmark and I might one day move back… But the reality is different; I think some Danes and even Swedes did come about and read my/these honest sentences (not so likely understanding)/ seeing my discrete appeal (read:scream), but they got provoked thinking oh my God we thought we were exempt from all these migrant cry outs and here we are all the way in London and we meet it. They should be happy we took them into our country in the 70ies. What’s this girl even doing here?! Maybe all the dialogues are only within me you might think… But they are not I have tried to talk to every Dane I met the fir 3 years into my lifetime in London, but every time they were shocked that this black-haired girl could in fact speak Danish!? What a denial I say, while simultaneously feeling sad that they do not accept me still! I am sharing the work with the whole community of other migrants and expats in Hackney. To avoid trouble altogether I do no longer speak Danish when I hear people speaking Danish on the street in my own neighbourhood, as I get too frustrated when they refuse to talk back to me or when they get shocked. Lets never try to educate you Dane lets always try to imagine that people of migrant descendants do not exist. Eventhough I am 41 years old and I was born in Denmark!!  Lets just leave you to your own little narrative where you still believe that you are not racist!  

THIS IS WHAT IT SAYS ON MY WALL-PIECE:

Travelling the world with immigrant eyes!

Hoping to find a proper place to live. Not because of economic

necessity, but because of existential needs!!

I don’t belong anywhere. Nationality doesn’t give me any peace!

I’m haunted. Borders don’t make me stop nor does cultures!

I belong anywhere and everywhere! I travel the world for inner

peace! I leave one place to miss it right away. The melancholy never

leaves me. We travel together. I am never alone.

I came from another place, though my narrative is not from

there…I know stories that I’ve never lived out myself.

Still I believe that they are my own. These stories are me and at the

same time they are not me. I miss those times as if they were from

my life…

I came here alone. I never travelled, but my father’s sperm did. I was

born there.

(Then) I chose to create my own stories in new countries. I came here

alone. No one asked me. I didn’t tell. I just left.

Please don’t ask me where I’m from. It will take

me some time to answer you. Don’t say a word

about identity or culture either…My destiny tires

me…I need more time to figure things out.

I come from Denmark, but my hair is Turkish.

Posted in almanci, art, Denmark and migration, Family, Photos

“Stereotyped” (video-installation)

“Stereotyped” (A performance research fully in progress. Therefore this should not be seen as a finished work.) Two video-loops of a performance carried out in Aarhus 3 times. The title “Stereo-typed” is a remixed hybrid-born word,  ‘stereotyping and the inbuilt wording ‘typing’ indicating. stereotyping is something that actively happens to you, while you are trying to live your life as an ordinary average Dane. In Denmark you are a target that is only visible in the papers.they let you out of your categorized box when its again time to recreate and refresh what society needs you to be and look like.not your real nose picking self of course!Maybe one should thus actively participate in stereotyping. But when that happens, the ‘stereotypers’ dont even see themselves being mocked for their wrong deeds.   This work has been carried out as a ‘research performance’, as to find out whether being an ethnic minority bride could actually attract the same Danish media created stereotyping and racializing hatred and eurocentrism, that I so often meet when I come to Denmark. Doing this performance in Aarhus and not in Copenhagen has made a totally positive outcome for the whole process of walking down from Aarhus Banegard (train station) together with a crowd of people leaving the station and down to the first set of traffic lights on Stroget. Attempting to do the walk in Aarhus was far much easier than in Copenhagen I felt, as Aarhus is smaller with a local feel and to me less discriminating (at least on the surface). Copenhagen has stopped me in doing this performance and other performances along the years. Its always easier to do brave things when we are away from home.   I did the walk/stroll 3 times and my experience changed each time. I found that rather tan being seen as an ethnic minority woman mainly exoticized/orientalized I ended up becoming ‘just a bride without her husband’. In fact the bridal gown gave a sort of protection from the eurocentric gaze that I am often prone to in my home country Denmark. Realizing that people are always happy to see a bride and that of course the event of marriage is a happy one. Although some people thought I was modeling for the Bruun’s Galleri Shopping Centre, while others tried to avoid eye contact with me even feeling a bit intimidated by the situation, as formally and normally a wedding is something you are personally invited to, but I deliberately invited all of Aarhus city to take part in my ‘bridal stroll’. Some just liked the dress, no one looked at the colour of my hair as I had expected them to (or maybe a few people did?). Maybe I am prejudiced as well?! The only ones who saw and questioned the red writing ‘victim?’ on my back decolte, were in fact the young teenagers of multicultural backgrounds, that I am very acquainted with from my teaching years in Denmark. They were the most brave and honest of all.   My negative expectations, which had scared me, due to racist reactions that I might receive realizing this performance didn’t really happen. My overall idea was to underline the nuances of the everyday stereotypes of ethnic minority women and how they are not all being forcedly married by their families, nor do they have to wear veils, be covered or always have a husband by their sides. In fact they can walk independently alone as a bride even. More than anything that day I felt alone, as a woman. That was a general feeling that goes beyond the colours of our skins, whether Danish or New Danish. In my opinion this is a feeling that is enmeshed in Danish culture and its gender relations. At the end I remembered the loneliness that I had felt for years in Denmark. Being a woman in Denmark is not an easy task.

Posted in almanci, art, Career, Denmark and migration, Photos
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